Holding Absence - The Greatest Mistake Of My Life [Full Album 2021]

Lyrics to The Greatest Mistake Of My Life [Full Album 2021] by Holding Absence

Tracklist: 01. Awake I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive 02. Celebration Song [Intro] I'm alive I'm alive [Verse 1] To the existential dread I let run through my head The truth is that you hurt me for so long And here's my celebration song I know that years from now When my final flame runs out I'll be a grain of sand Running through a stranger's hand [Pre-Chorus] But right now [Chorus] I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive I lived to see today I lost so much along the way And that's fine 'Cause I'm alive [Bridge] I've been so hurt for so long I've been so hurt for so long I've been so hurt for so long I've been so hurt for so long Well, I'm done Trying to run From all the things that make me feel alive For fear that I might just catch fire [Outro] 'Cause I've earned A couple days amongst the sun God knows I've more than paid my dues For all the months that I didn't wanna live through The sleepless nights, the bloodshot eyes This blissful pain contextualized I went to death's door, he let me inside But for all my want, he couldn't look me in the eyes, I I've been so hurt for so long 03. Curse Me With Your Kiss [Intro] When I get to the pearly gates I know there'll be no shame In reaching out to you And hoping that you call my name [Verse 1] Someday I'm gonna let you know I tried my best to hide your ghost In the floorboards down below I'm blackened by your shadow Even back when it all began I knew there was more to this I felt fire inside before But no one else could tame it [Pre-Chorus] I doubt I'll ever find the peace inside But what about the pieces that I left behind? [Chorus] I dream of you In colours that don't exist Looking back on my life, all I know is this I let you curse me with your kiss [Verse 2] When I get to the pearly gates Let it feel like yesterday I'm reaching out to you I hope you do the same I remember the crack in your voice When you said, "I'm leaving" Just another lover that left me With nothing to believe in [Pre-Chorus] I doubt I'll ever find the peace inside But what about the pieces that I've left? [Chorus] I dream of you In colours that don't exist Looking back on my life, all I know is this I let you curse me with your kiss [Bridge 1] Well, I lost myself inside your echo And now I live my life with nothing left to let go And now there's nowhere left for me to turn back I know that, I know Well, I lost myself inside your echo And now I live my life with nothing left to let go And now there's nowhere left for me to turn back I know that [Bridge 2] You'll never truly know, you'll never truly know You'll never truly know How I miss you so (Well, I lost myself inside your echo And now I live my life with nothing left to let go) Light of my life (And now there's nowhere left for me to turn back I know that, I know) How I miss you so [Outro] Light of my life How I miss you so Light of my life How I miss you so Light of my life How I miss you so Light of my life 04. Afterlife [Chorus] I know I'm out of sight But am I out of mind? And when I close my eyes I dream I'll see you in the afterlife [Verse 1] I'll pull those arrows from out of your back One at a time I know this bridge we built won't last But it'll hold for at least a while Even when the life leaves your bones Your soul will follow me wherever I go It's in the way I feel your fire even when I sleep at night I stay inside the glow [Chorus] I know I'm out of sight But am I out of mind? And when I close my eyes I dream I'll see you in the afterlife I know I'm out of sight But am I out of mind? And when I close my eyes I dream I'll see you in the afterlife [Verse 2] I'll pull those arrows from out of your back Time and time again We know that nothing good can last But what'll happen when we reach the end? I'll never let you run out of time You'll live forever in the back of my mind It's in the way I feel your fire even when I close my eyes You're always there to guide me home [Chorus] I know I'm out of sight But am I out of mind? And when I close my eyes I dream I'll see you in the afterlife I lost a vital part of me I lost a vital part of me And now there's nothing left I dream I'll see you in the afterlife [Bridge] I dream I'll see you in the I dream I'll see you in the I dream I'll see you in the I dream I'll see you in the I lost a vital part of me (I dream I'll see you in the) Lost a vital part of me (I dream I'll see you in the) Lost a vital part of me (I dream I'll see you in the) Lost a vital part of me (I dream I'll see you in the) [Chorus] I know I'm out of sight But am I out of mind? And when I close my eyes I dream I'll see you in the afterlife Lost a vital part of me Lost a vital part of me Now there's nothing left I dream I'll see you in the afterlife 05. Drugs And Love [Intro] "I still hear it when I think back. Her cry...so shrill. That night damned us all. I just sat back like a voyeur with my hands tied. It still haunts me. And to this day, I am faced with this juxtaposition of guilt and pain." [Verse 1] Any kind of chemical romance I will take with me to bed Anything to drown out all the voices inside my head [Chorus] Make me numb With drugs and love What'll save me from my solitude? I've nothing left to turn to Help me find a way to medicate [Post-Chorus] "I sometimes feel like I may as well have pulled that trigger myself." [Verse 2] Any kind of tepid distraction I will pour myself into Baby, I just need a little reaction Warm like a tomb [Chorus] Make me numb With drugs and love What'll save me from my solitude? I've nothing left to turn to Help me find a way to medicate [Bridge] Just help me erase The memories Help me find a way To numb this pain Just something I've nothing left to offer you, I I even lost myself But I'm desperate to never fade away [Chorus] Make me numb With drugs and love What'll save me from my solitude? I've nothing left to turn to Help me find a way to medicate [Outro] "But...nobody can understand what he was like. I wonder often if I'd have preferred that one night of screaming aloud, or the decades of being muffled." 06. In Circles [Verse 1] Crushed like a bug Under the weight of listlessness Maybe I could have learned how to fly But my wings never sprouted People just go on and on in circles, in circles People just go on and on in circles, in circles [Chorus] I wake to the sound of the hum Of the earth just spinning around and There's not much for me to do But count the days and look at photos of you People just go on and on in circles, in circles People just go on and on in circles, in circles [Verse 2] I was a fool To have thought that I was worth ,ore than just a short life And a lifetime under dirt "Dare to dream," that's what you told me There's more to life than just your Reluctant love and your begrudging touch You've set like the sun, maybe that's enough But if we lay here, maybe we could stay here Maybe we could die here, wouldn't that be fine, dear? [Chorus] I wake to the sound of the hum Of the earth just spinning around and There's not much for me to do But count the days and look at photos of you People just go on and on in circles, in circles People just go on and on in circles, in circles [Outro] (People just go on and on in circles, in circles) I live my life inside of this cocoon Just like a flower too afraid to bloom (People just go on and on in circles, in circles) I live my life inside of this cocoon And I'll die here 07. ​Nomoreroses [Intro] If God is just and fair Why wasn't my heart spared? [Verse 1] I've waited all my life To see this holy light You're smothering my eyes I wanna see it, I wanna feel it The harder that I pray The more you make it rain I'm soaked in all this pain Forgive me for drowning Deafen me with your voice You stuffed me with this void [Chorus] And if I've done you wrong by not enduring this pain Well, where were you and all your eternal holy grace? [Verse 2] I've been sitting on your front porch, knocking on your front door Knocking till my knuckles go red raw I've been sitting in the ether, looking for beliеf I'm lost like a whistle in the wind I'vе been kneeling on my bare bones Speaking with my eyes closed Keeping both my knuckles pressing my nose But nothing that I ever do Will close this hole inside of me If you are just and fair Why won't you meet me there? [Chorus] And if I've done you wrong by not enduring this pain Well, where were you and all your eternal holy grace? [Outro] How many tear-stained sonatas must I sing for you to see? I never believed in you because you never believed in me 08. Beyond Belief [Verse 1] I said it would never happen again But you held me up like a stone in the palm of your hand But what if hell is cold, and heaven's closed? (God only knows, God only knows) Is the fear of hurting you worth the burden of living my life alone? [Chorus] Is it beyond belief that I could ever feel There's so much more to it all? Well, you've got infinity, and you offer it to me But is your hell up above and your heaven below? (Below) [Verse 2] I knew it should have never happened again But you hold mе up to the light and you force me to dancе And what if your rainbow has no pot of gold? (God only knows, God only knows) What if I wake up from this dream to see the sun has already set for me? [Chorus] Is it beyond belief that I could ever feel There's so much more to it all? Well, you've got infinity, and you offer it to me But is your hell up above and your heaven below? (Below) [Bridge] Sometimes the gods speak a language you will never understand And one day I awoke, and there I was, in the palm of your hand I've only got one chance (I've only got one chance) at permanence But I'm as good as dead, take my hand, go ahead Your love's a warm gun, and a trip to the sun At the bottom of the sea, you're beyond belief [Chorus] Is it beyond belief that I could ever feel There's so much more to it all? Well, you've got infinity, and you offer it to me But is your hell up above and your heaven... Is it beyond belief that I could ever feel There's so much more to it all? Well, you've got infinity, and you offer it to me But is your hell up above and your heaven below? (Below) 09. Die Alone (In Your Lover’s Arms) [Intro] "Sit there, stoic and scarred for weeks at a time. I believed in her so much. I think the saddest part was the fact that I hadn't realised I'd gone in until I'd come out the other end." [Verse 1: Lucas Woodland] If we all just go to hell Then why should I regret All the wasted decades that we spent Sat in utter silence? Nobody told me my deathbed Would be harrowed by hindsight The truth is you weren't right For me [Pre-Chorus: Lucas Woodland] Maybe, baby I just can't look you in thе eyes I wasted all your prеcious time [Chorus: Lucas Woodland] Bury me in broad daylight I've already died inside a thousand times Waving you goodbye tonight, waving you goodbye Let it be the final time You place your hand in mine Waving you goodbye tonight, waving you goodbye Watching you die alone In your lover's arms [Interlude] "Paint the walls of dusk with the sound of my name." [Verse 2: Caitlin Woodland & Lucas Woodland, both] When you looked me in the eyes On that warm, summer night You might as well have buried me alive And saved me all the sorrow If you'd have told me I'd be led And left out in the cold I would've kept my soul And lived my life out on my own Maybe, baby At least we can say that we tried it Lately, baby It feels like I spent all my life up Maybe, baby I still can't look you in the eyes I wasted all your precious time [Chorus: Lucas Woodland & Caitlin Woodland] Bury me in broad daylight I've already died inside a thousand times Waving you goodbye tonight, waving you goodbye Let it be the final time You place your hand in mine Waving you goodbye tonight, waving you goodbye Watching you die alone In your lover's arms In your lover's arms In your lover's arms In your lover's arms [Outro: Lucas Woodland & Caitlin Woodland] Have you ever felt alone inside The arms of someone else and tried To tell yourself that they were fine? A lifetime lost to a long, long lie Let me start again Let me start all over again Let me start again Let me start all over again Have you ever felt alone inside The arms of someone else and tried To tell yourself that they were fine? A lifetime lost to a long, long lie Have you ever felt alone inside The arms of someone else and tried To tell yourself that they were fine? A lifetime lost to a long, long lie Have you ever felt alone inside The arms of someone else and tried To tell yourself that they were fine? A lifetime lost to a long, long lie Have you ever felt alone inside The arms of someone else and tried To tell yourself that they were fine? Let me start all over again 10. Phantoms "In the face of death, forgiveness is a small, small price. I remember the last time I laid my eyes upon him. I can still see him now. Handsome, even with his back turned. If I knew that day would be my last with him, I’d have done anything to reach him before the door shut. It was a different time back then, but I have not felt love like that since. You were so special to me, but I learned so much about myself the first time around. You never said it, but I knew you understood that. It’s so very cruel how life can give and take, with no measure of compassion. But at least I know now that I’m being watched over more than most. You sit on my bed together, perched like phantoms now." 11. Mourning Song [Verse 1] I was thinking of leaving With the world placed firmly at my feet Nothing left to gain Nothing left to give you If I could simply stop breathing Maybe then the ache would go away Nowhere left to run Nothing left to run from [Pre-Chorus] When you looked me in the eyes How could I have known that that would be your final goodbye? [Chorus] How is it fair I must live this life Without your infinite light and guidance? How is it fair you had no choice of when you left? And now we all live in the shadow of it [Verse 2] In your slumber, you've shown me All the little things that you're deprived Of every single thing that I took for granted Now, I sit here in mourning Knowing that you left while you were lost And now I'm petrified Of leaving before I belonged My entire life is shrouded now That death's black wing eclipsed your sunshine And if I have to live for you In spite of all The pain that I might feel that I go through That's something that I swear to do [Chorus] How is it fair I must live this life Without your infinite light and guidance? How is it fair you had no choice of when you left? And now we all live in the shadow of it [Bridge] There is beauty in any loss that teaches you a lesson All the beautiful friends we leave behind without ever forgetting Though life will move without you, I will never move along If this is my last chance to sing you to sleep [Outro] There is beauty in any loss that teaches you a lesson All the beautiful friends we leave behind without ever forgetting Though life will move without you, I will never move along If this is my last chance to sing you to sleep Then let this be my mourning song 12. The Greatest Mistake Of My Life The greatest mistake of my life Was saying goodbye to you I'm alone and blue and believe it's true I hope you may forgive someday I'm sorry, I want you to know But if there's a debt I owe, know I've paid And know that I have made The greatest mistake of my life